I don't know how much more that I can take of this life that I have. Every time that I even have a thought of getting out of this mess something happens to take me right back to where I feel like it is hopeless. I am not sure what the plan is but I wish I just knew if I was supposed to give up or keep fighting, I just don't know how much strength that I have left.

I just want to spend time with my son and not have him look at me with disappointment. I don't think that that is too much to ask really - I guess that I have to earn that by getting my shit together. I just don't know how anymore.


I am having such a bad day - it didn't start out that bad, which is new, it started out ok but then it was like someone just kept throwing roadblocks at me and well I don't know how to jump over this many at a time.

I set up 2 interviews and took an online assessment for a job today so that was good. When I went to pick up my son the stupid car wont start. This is not a new issue for me it has been doing this for days - it lets me get places and home then when I actually need to get something accomplished it wont run - I feel like it is a sign.

The rest of the day was spent wringing my hands and trying not to cry, I really wanted to see my son. The job opportunities are not coming in as much as they should so I really need to get on these interviews. Plus my mom has been sick and I am worried about her and well the rest of the world seems to have gone mad.

Not to digress too much but the government has lost heir minds as well as the media and and any other information outlet I can find. I get that this country is in trouble - we all get it, but do we really need to be telling other countries where we have troops that we are a mess??? 


Sorry for that rant but I am kinda sick of hearing and seeing that the whole world is going nuts, it just pains me sometimes to see the heartbreak everywhere.