Well here we go again - the way I felt during the day is changing to the way I always feel when the night falls. The feeling in my chest that tells me I am always going to find myself alone dealing with my own feelings and having no revelations on how to put my life back together is overwhelming.
I know now that this feeling is temporary but it doesnt make it hurt any less as I sit here and contemplate my life, starring up at the ceiling trying to sleep.
During the day - well most days - I am fully capable of thinking that if I just do the things that I planned I will be moving in the right direction, but at night all the doubts and worries of the next day and if the things I am doing are right come flooding into my brain like Niagara Falls. I do not know how to stop this from happening every night.
I should call this the Bipolar Blogg - I always try to start with something good and positive, but the longer I think and focus the darker my thoughts get. Maybe it is the thought of being alone for the rest of my life that frightens me so much. I have never actually thought of my self as needing a partner, but it seems to me that the dark abyss of my life would have some light to it if there were some one here to share it with me. I dont know that I would even let anyone in at this point anyway, who deserves to be dragged into this mess?
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