Recurring themes

Ok well this seems to be a recurring theme in my life so  I am gonna run with it -
Every time I feel good about what I am doing or the direction my life is headed - I get this sinking feeling in my chest. The thought of getting out of his mess that I have made of my life is so great and every time I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel or even just some semblance of maybe seeing any day light at all, my emotions just seem to run away with me.
I don't know why I cant make one move in the right direction without feeling like I am a complete failure and that it doesn't matter what I do - it will fail and land me farther away from my goal than I was before I made the move.
I dream of the life that I would like to have and I set goals to get me there, and every time I start to make decisions based on those goals, I find something that I didn't take into account or see that that step will actually be bad for me and my family. What should I do? 

How do you balance love into this messed up mix of crap? Does anyone else deserve to be brought into this mess? Every time some one comes into my life - they try to fix it, or rescue me from myself and that is not love it is a complex that ( I think) most men have, to rescue the damsel in distress, which I have never seen myself as being but I guess I do act like that sometimes - needy and vulnerable. This just proves to me that I am not as  tuned into how I present myself to people, as I think that I am. So I am thinking that I need to work on how I see myself, before I should go looking for someone else. Problem is I haven't been looking for anyone but someone has found me and thinks they are in love with me, but is this possible? I don't even know myself very well how could someone else know me well enough to think they are in love with me?

I think people fall in love with the idea of love. Having some one there all the time to take care of us and for us to take care of no matter what happens always be there for us. This is an ideal that I am not sure I believe in. The concept is great, but does it work in reality? I have never seen proof, I mean I know the way you feel when you think your in love and its great, but it doesn't last very long, its like walking around with rose-colored glasses on - at some point you have to snap into reality and get through life. Life is hard enough when all you have to do is worry about your own crap, how hard is it to have to consider yourself as you and part of a unit?