Almost

How come I can always almost get happiness?

I have such a mess of a life I just want one thing that makes me happy to last for more then a minute.  I mean there are things like spending time with my son and seeing my niece and nephew but these are such fleeting events that I am always left with an empty feeling.

This life that I have is not made for anyone to be involved in even if I would like a partner - I can not have one, it would not be fair to them to ask them to help a drowning girl with no benefit for them.  Even my family can not help me they have no idea what I am going through - they try and I do appreciate it but they have no clue about the inner struggles I have been through in my life.

I am so different in my thoughts to all the people that I know that it is hard for me to make connections, I am not sure if that is my fault or not, I am sure that it is mostly because I refuse to let people into my thoughts - they are the only thing that are completely mine and they do not need to be shared.

No one is capable of interpreting my mind and therefore it stays locked inside me for the rest of my so-called life.