Merry Christmas

I hope that every one's holiday was filled with joy


 Well the holiday is over and it wasn't that bad - I just wish that I could have done more for my family and went to see more people.  My second mother and her family had a tragedy and I wasn't there for them - I am a little upset with my self for that. 

I love giving gifts to my family and friends to show how much I appreciation them and to show how much they mean to me - this year they have all done the most for me and I wasn't able to show them how much that meant to me, this was very upsetting to me.

I don't know how to fix this. 

I do know that this year was not the happiest year for me and I am hoping that the coming new year will bring new beginnings and I will be able to show my family and friends how much they mean to me.

I wish there was a way for me to just explain to everyone what is going on - I have never been all that good at letting people in and telling them how I feel or what is going on with me especially when it is embarrassing or that I am ashamed of the situation that I am in, I don't want anyone to know how bad it really is - this is my problem that I must figure out on my own and it is just not fair to drag anyone else into this gigantic mess that I have created for my self.

Well that is enough of that - I am going to make the next year better for me and my family

I hope every ones new year is filled with joy and happiness