Well here we go again - this is usually where I tell a story of how terrible I feel and how I am completely screwed, but well I am not sure - my emotional state is ok.
I am a bit depressed but that is what happens when you lose you husband and your job and pretty much your life all in a matter of a month.
This all happened a year ago and I just don't understand why I cant get past it. I have always considered myself to be pretty strong and resourceful, but for some reason I keep looking back and wondering what the hell happened and what I have done to get here and how am I supposed to get out and fix it if I have no idea how I fell so far so fast.
I am not sure what I am doing wrong at this point, which is making it difficult to figure a way out. I just feel like I am drowning and sucking in water waiting for some one to come with a life boat - but there is no one in sight.
I love the fact that I have recently met people who do kinda get me and they are trying to be there for me - but I have never been on this side of things. I was always the one who listened and helped if I could or found some one to help - I like helping people. I have never even conceived the thought that I would ever need help it is just in my constitution - I am a giver - that is how I define myself if I don't have that - who am I?
I don't know where I go from here
I am alone and paralyzed by my own fear and loathing
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