I wanted to write - it is therapeutic at this point for me.

Well I have been in a very bitchy mood for days now and I am starting to get concerned.
I am not sure what the main issue is, I was hoping that while I slept that my subconscious brain would work out some of my issues that are underlying. This has not happened, I am just over loaded with worry and anxiety.

I mean I just don't know what to do - I know what should be done, I just cant figure out how to get anything done. I feel very powerless right now and am not sure how to get any semblance of power back. I am usually good at negotiating or bartering to help others and to get something done - I just don't have anything to offer another party at this point.


I know what the problems are that is half the battle right? I am pretty sure that I know some of the solutions, but every time that I implement a solution it spirals into a new problem that I have no idea what happened or how to fix. This is a recurring issue in my life the "snowball effect" I can usually overcome it with some persistence and just plain logic but this is killing me and I am not sure why.

I feel like the world is happening around me and I am just sitting here watching - like this cant possibly be happening. Even when good things happen, I always feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop or to see how I can make a mess of this too. I have made so many mistakes ( no regrets) I just feel like the life lessons that I have learned should be more profound and guide me, they are not telling me anything except that I screw up ALOT.

I have about 900 things I should be doing instead of this but this seemed like the best way to making me not so bitchy.