aftermath

OK so the major holiday is over - its kinda depressing.
I love having my family and friends around and cooking and taking care of things and making sure that everything is perfect ( I get a little anal) that's what I like to do - I was alittle disappointed  that I couldn't give the gifts that I really wanted to give due to my financial constraints - but I gave into that - there was nothing I could do about that right now. I was also a bit upset that I didn't get to see all of my family this year - everyone was so busy and I had  no way to get around, but again I have accepted that too.

Now that everyone is gone and it is all over I am feeling a bit lonely and well lost, plus the few gifts I did manage to scrap up the money for, remain here after everyone left - that kinda hurt my feelings a bit but again I am sure I will be fine - and learn a lesson in the end.

I am however a little bit concerned about my mom at this point - she stayed here for the holiday, which was nice. She got a terrible phone call on Christmas Day that a good friend of hers had passed away in her apartment ( upstairs from my mom's ) it was tragic - as she was young. My mom talked about when she went home the first thing she wanted to do was see her and talk about the events of holiday and family, etc. So I am not sure if she is going to be too lonely in her apartment with out her friend. She says that she will be OK, I sure wish she would have stayed here so that I could see for myself that she is OK.

I am going through the " holiday blues" I guess - I am sure that next year will be better and I am going to start making good decisions and getting my life back on track - this is my year!!!

Welcome 2012!!

Holidays

Well here it is December 11th, 2011 -
I really thought that this year would be better than last - so much for hope. I mean I am not with out hope for a Christmas miracle but I am not expecting it.
I love the holiday season I just wish that I had more to offer than hope - to my family, to my friends, and truly to the world. I love to give - I just have nothing left to give - well I still have the love that I feel for all the people in my life; I know it sounds odd but I have a deep love all people and wish that I could do more to make the world we live in better for everyone, I am just a lonely, depressed lady with not too much to offer anyone.

 I hope everyone has a joyous  holiday season - no matter how you celebrate.!!

My holidays will turn out alright I will hopefully get to see family, and not be too embarrassed by my situation to have a conversation. My family is great and I wish them all the best -