No real updates

Well the past few days have been nothing new, just a mingle of crap and putting out fires and and just trying to get by. I just wanted to write - I love writing. I am taking a writing class now and am so excited. Getting all my thoughts out of my head and onto a page is very therapeutic. I am not sure if it will get me anywhere or do me any good but here they are:

The thought for the past few days is please God help me get through this and make me understand how I got here and to never go down this path again. I need to find a way to make money and kinda in a fast way before I become homeless and none of this will matter. I am a smart, resourceful, semi-attractive female why cant I figure out how to make a living?? This is just stupid that I cant get back on my feet it has been long enough for me to bounce back from tragedy and get on with my life.

Just my thoughts take them for what they are worth. I will figure it out someday - just hoping that I get it before the damage is irrevocable.

Latest issues

5/9/2011 4:25 PM

Ok so today is kind of a waste but I am going to make the best of it – I hope! We have no internet or telephone or for that matter tv but that doesn’t bother me so much, It will give me time to think and reflect on how to fix this mess – I am going to meditate and try to make a plan. It just seems that whenever I have some sort of plan that some catastrophe comes by and just sucks the plan I had out the window.  Today the plan was to put in an Avon order (to maybe make some money) guess what? Cant do it without the internet!  I was also supposed to start my new classes today and was kind of excited – I take classes online – do you see the irony of not having internet access? So today is like the lost day, hoping that the crap will be back on tomorrow, though I am not sure.

I am wring this knowing full well that no one will see or be able to read it until some later date so I have dated and time stamped it for when I do get back online, who ever reads this will know when all this occurred and not be confused about not having internet and being able to post this

Ok – Off to meditate

The only thing that I am sure of is that I need some source of income so that I can find my way through this darkness.

My Mother's Day sentiment

As I think of Mother’s Day, I not only think about my mom, but all the other mother-figures in my life. I have not always been the best person, and these people looked beyond that to nurture me and help me find my way and I want to thank them all.

Everyone please don’t forget any other women who helped you get through, they deserve appreciation and a thought from us so they know what they meant to us. 

My mother figures include: my step-mom who took me in at my worst, my sister who always looks out for me, a boss that I looked up to and always gave advice from the heart and knew me better then I knew myself sometimes, and an aunt(s) that is always there to give me that push I need even when I don’t necessarily want it.

I just wanted to make sure the “other mothers” in my life knew that I appreciated them and love them.  Although, I do not always show it,  all these women, including my mom, have helped shape my life and make me the person that I am and I appreciate and care deeply for them even when they are far away.

My view on recent Events

I haven't written in a while and there is a lot of stuff going on so I figured I would put in my 2 cents.

The first being the news: The death of Osama Bin Ladan I am not sure how I feel about this, I mean I am glad that this huge chapter of this country's history may be coming to an end, but I cant shake the feeling of "whats next?" I mean all that I have ever been taught is that the death of any man is not to be celebrated - but on one hand I am not sure he was actually a man and not just a manifestation of evil. I am just alittle bit disheartened by the celebration. The fact that this effected me so profoundly is a question I can not answer.

As far as my life well that is a whole other issue, conflict on top of conflict seems to be the theme for the week. I have bunch of irons in the fire and find my self waiting for something to come through, but I am so anxious that I cant sit still. I feel as though I am going to crawl out of my skin. I feel as if I should be doing something yet every time I try to make a move it gets stopped by some thing outside of me.

I  feel like I am very close to some sort of break through, it just seems right out of reach. I have been thinking outside the box as they say and have had some success, so lets just hope that I can stay on some kind of forward momentum and that it is not too little too late.