Why?

I don't know if this happens to anyone else but, why whenever I feel like maybe I can be happy - the illusion falls apart.
I get one or two glimmers of how life is supposed to be and then *smack* back to reality, where I am a train-wreck with no hope of happiness or even normalcy. Its like someone wants to show me what I could have had if I wasn't such a mess and I don't know how to not be a mess.

I don't know what to do -

first issue being that sometimes my mess spills into other people lives and I don't want that, but I always have the illusion that there is someone out there that can help me fix this and so I let people in and all I do is make my mess bigger and involve them, and that sucks for them because I am beyond help at this point and now they feel for me and there is nothing I can do to fix that. Don't get me wrong I have genuine feelings for people in my life and I appreciate them and the distraction that they give me but it is not realistic for me to involve other people in this mess that I have created for myself.

Second issue being that I have no clue how to fix myself which is problem for a number of reasons. I know I have it in me to be a good person and to just get on the ball and resolve some of these issues, yet I cant figure out how or what to do to make it better. Its like knowing there is a storm coming and having no preparations, you know that you should get ready but something tells you not to do anything, does that make any sense?