What?

Ok so the year is almost over and I am worse off now then I was last year ago. I had a husband and a job a year ago.

I am not saying that it wont get better, but well this has been a crappy year so I am hoping that by the time the next one comes I am at least moving in the right direction. My attitude has changed a great deal, some for the best, some for the worst. 

I just feel so conflicted about almost everything nowadays.
I mean I am lonely but don't want to be near people. I am comfortable but displaced. I have been lazy and anxious at the same time. I am tired but cant sleep. I feel tired but restless. I feel faithful but adulterous, this is particularly odd since I am never unfaithful.

Well just felt like writing how I felt - it is supposed to make me feel better, and it does most of the time. Sometimes to see my emotions flowing onto the page is therapeutic, but other times it is just annoying to have my state of mind filling the blank page.

Today was a good day, even though I got nothing done. I did do some thinking about where I want to go and what I have to do to get there. It wont be easy, but is it supposed to be??