I am not so sure...

I am not so sure that there is not something wrong with me.

I am feeling very very alone today and that is odd and not good right now, I have many friends that I can talk to yet somethings I just refuse to let fall off my tongue. I thought that it was because I didn't want to be vulnerable but I am pretty sure that's not it anymore - anyone who knows me knows that I am vulnerable but hate it and so I am not sure why I feel the need to keep parts of myself from the people that I care about: Am I afraid they will judge me? am I afraid they wont understand, or am I just afraid that if I actually tell (show) people the real me that they will run away as fast as they can?

I love my family and my friends and am sure that this will pass - I am just feeling very alone and misunderstood. I thought that this feeling was reserved for the young who haven't found themselves yet, I guess it is the same for all ages - I have actually not "found myself" yet which is odd at my age which may have something to do with the alone feeling that is coming out of this mood that I am in - there is no one who actually understands a 36 year old woman who cant figure out how to survive in life.