Love

Well the ideas and thoughts are swimming around in my head very fiercely today.

My emotions are all over the map - I wish I could get my heart and my head to agree on anything. Just when I have made a decision that seems rational and well thought out my heart tells me it is wrong, and vice versa - just when I give into my heart and decide that I should do something that makes me happy even for a few minutes - my head gets in the way.

Emotions are not supposed to be rational or make sense that is why we have a rational portion of our brain, but what happens when they are in complete opposition? I think maybe the two hemispheres of my brain are not working properly, they should at least be working on the same level, not one going in one direction while the other goes off in a completely different objective.

I am on the edge of getting something done for myself - this is a good thing so why do I feel so apprehensive? I hope it is just my fear of new challenges that is in overdrive because of my current situation and that I can work through it.

Love - does it really exist?  I am not sure - as I am not sure of alot of things right now. Maybe I am a romantic at heart but I really do believe that love conquers all and that if you have found it it will bring you the greatest joy you can ever feel. I believe that I have felt it before cannot be sure though since it was so short lived. I am not sure that I deserve to feel that kind of happiness. I feel that you need to earn happiness and I do not think that I have yet, well that's not true - I have already had my shot at happiness and blew it and well why should I get another chance to feel that way when there are so many others who deserve it and don't ever find it?