As I sit alone, facing the world tomorrow doesn't seem so bad. The days to come are not looking as gloomy as they are filled with hope. The days of my life that are lonely and filled with angst seem to be so far away that I don't even remember them too much anymore. The whole world will soon be filled with my brazen love for life. The world I once knew as lonely and forsaken has taken on a whole new meaning in my eyes, the way that has been, will never be again. The way that love has treated me will no longer rule my life and prevent me from doing things that I once loved to do. There is new day ahead filled with bright sunshine and endless possibilities and opportunities. The world has never seen the likes of a person like me and it may never again, so I must leave my mark in as many places as I possibly can while I am still here. I have given up too much to just sit on the sidelines and watch the world and my life just pass me by, its my time and I will make it the best time for all the world to see. This a new horizon for me and for all the people who I like to call my friends.
The part of this story that is true - is that this is the way that I would like to believe that I feel. Yet I do not, as I sit here alone on this Friday night thinking about facing the world tomorrow, and hoping and praying for some relief of this terrible feeling that I have deep in my soul, I fear there is none - just anxiety and stress and more worries. There is no one coming to rescue me or even to be here with me to help me deal with this mess that I have made of my life. Not that anyone should come I have made this mess and I need to figure out how to get out of it on my own, but it would be nice to just have some one that I can talk to honestly and be ok feeling vulnerable around that wouldn't judge me or tell me what to do - just listen and make me feel like its all gonna be ok.
I love you
deb
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